I find it interesting when well intentioned folks assume keeping your maiden name after marriage is the only right choice. This ignores the fact that many of us didn’t have childhoods connected to a family name we feel a deep sense of ownership of.
Many of us grew up connected to family that didn’t share our name. My mom and step dad were the two most important parents in my life, I don’t remember a single day of my life with my actual parents together – I was disconnected from the branch of a tree that my name came from.
For me, changing my name wasn’t even a question. My husband’s family became my family long before we were married. His mom became one of the most important people in my life, and she shared that name. Choosing your last name after marriage isn’t about going from belonging to one family to another, it is quite simply about deciding very personally and deeply who you are and what name is going to make the most sense for you going forward.
Changing your name after marriage is not about gender. You don’t need to be or have a “bride” as part of your marriage to change your name. Either or both partners can change their name. You do not have to change your name to be legally married, but if you want to, the process is not difficult it is merely time consuming.
Step 1: obtain certified copies of your Marriage Certificate
When you file for your marriage license you receive the legal paperwork you must fill out with your officiant and two witnesses. These papers must be mailed or hand turned in (depending on your state within 4-10 days typically, just do it right away). Even if you will both be keeping your names, you should order one certified copy to keep. Order two more if you are changing your name. You cannot do any of the next steps until you obtain these certified copies.
Step 2: change your name with the Social Security Administration
This isn’t actually hard, it won’t change your social security number, and they make the process very straight forward and simple you can get started right here online. You can also go in person to an SSA office.
Step 3: change your name on your passport and driver’s license or state ID
It takes awhile to get an updated passport or your new ID, so if you have travel planned for a honeymoon soon after your wedding wait until you get back to start this process.
To change your passport. You need to follow the links and questions online to select the scenario that is relevant to you (based on how recently you obtained your passport and changed your name): click here
Your license/state ID change is typically straight forward, but varies by state. See your local DMV for details.
Step 4: change your name on all of your accounts
This process can take awhile. Start with banks, credit cards, financial institutions, and HR at work. Update all of your utilities and other accounts one at a time after that. Once you have updated IDs this becomes much easier.
It is ok if this process takes you more than a month. You don’t need to make it a huge chore all at once.
Step 5: make a personal announcement and personal changes
I put this as step 5 because the priority is lower, but realistically you will likely start this process on your wedding day when you are announced as a married couple for the first time. Don’t forget to change your social media, and anywhere personal that you want to update.
That is it!
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